Joe is yelling at the trees again.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
