Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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