I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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