Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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