fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
