Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
