who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
