so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize