Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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