she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
