I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
