the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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