I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
