Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
