the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
