Soap is not a condiment
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
