these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
