We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
