my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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