We got so high we made milksteak
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
