I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
