I could have mohawked her pubes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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