i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
