he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
