Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
