i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
