when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
