The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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