i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize