awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
