dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
