I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
