Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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