He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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