The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
