Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My vagina is officially offended.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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