They should really pass out barf bags in church
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Be still, my beating vagina.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
