Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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