not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
