Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
