quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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