dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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