wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
