I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize