I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
