I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
