your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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