Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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