She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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