When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
