my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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