You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
