I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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