he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
