She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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