I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
