And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
