I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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