i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
