I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
