He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
