Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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