Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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