.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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