I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
