So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
