i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
