I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
