I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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