I wish I only lived at night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
