i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i've created a new STD.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize