I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
