Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
