Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
