Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
