I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
