I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
