1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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