Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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