Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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