It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
