The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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