Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
