I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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