hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
