I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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