smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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