Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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