Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
