No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
