Whoa Z and x make the same sound
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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