we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That accounts for only three of the penises
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
